Transcript: Charlie Brooker - How to Report the News

(I typed this up because the other transcripts were either missing bits and pieces or were clearly written by someone with absolutely no grasp of the English language.)
I claim nothing for the following content. The video is property of the BBC.

Before long, a standard news report—visual language—established itself: one that's immediately recognizable to anyone.
Me has this report.

It starts here, with a lacklustre establishing shot of a significant location.

Next a walky-talking preamble from the auteur, pacing steadily towards the lens, punctuating every other sentence with a hand gesture, and ignoring all the pricks milling around him like he's gliding through the fucking Matrix, before coming to a halt and posing a question: What comes next?

Often something like this—a filler shot designed to give your eyes something to look at while my voice babbles on about facts. Sometimes it'll slow down to a halt, turn monochrome, and some of those facts will appear one by one on the screen.

This is followed by the obligatory shots of overweight people with their faces subtly framed out, after which the report is padded out with a selection of lazy and pointless vox pops.

Um, usually get some inane chatter from people.

I think they do have too much, I think what we want to hear is actually what's happening and not what other people think of it.

I hate these sound bites. I don't want some punter's opinion, usually, no.

Another bit of dull visual abstraction to plug another gap now, before the report segues gracefully into a bit of human interest, courtesy of some dowdy man opening letters in a kitchen and explaining how he's been affected by the issue.

When I'm watching the news, I don't really, you know, there's a person talking to me, telling me what's going on and I don't really listen to what they're saying. It's just news. It's just news.

He, unfortunately, was boring, so to wake you up, this is an animated chart, this is a silhouette representing the average family, and this is a lighthouse keeper being beheaded by a laser beam.

As we near the end of the report, illustrative shots of pedestrians and signs and a pipe at a window.

And then the final summary, ending on a whimsical shot of something nearby, accompanied by a wry sign-off. If you're lucky, a bit of word play fit for a king, or in other words, a Regent Street/regent's treat.

GUIDE: Kdenlive on Windows, Properly!

Introduction

So, you want to install and use Kdenlive on M$ Windows, but don't want to do all that crazy Live-CD sh*t (probably because that's not technically doing it in Windows)?

Well, you've come to the right place (website, whatever)!

This guide will show you how to install Kdenlive inside Microsoft Windows, by using Cygwin, Cygwin/X and Cygwin Ports.

This guide assumes you know your way around a command prompt/terminal window. If you don't, turn back now!

The Guide

1. Download setup.exe from http://www.cygwin.org/setup-x86.exe. Save it to a folder on your desktop.

2. Open up a command prompt and navigate to the folder where setup.exe is.

3. Run setup.exe -X -K http://cygwinports.org/ports.gpg.

4. Accept the default options until you get to this screen. Choose the download site closest to you. If you don’t know, just pick a random one. Do not press Next! Enter ftp://ftp.cygwinports.org/pub/cygwinports in the User URL box and press Add.

5. Now press Next, and wait for the files to download. This could take a while.

6. Type kde into the search bar and click the Skip text next to kde-runtime, kde-workspace and kdenlive.

7. Type xorg-server into the search bar and click the Skip text next to xorg-server.

8.  Type xinit into the search bar and click the Skip text next to xinit.

9. Click Next a couple of times, accepting the defaults, and wait for the files to download and install. This will likely take quite a while.

10. Once it’s finished you should be (almost) good to go!

11. Open up Cygwin and type in echo exec startkde>~/.xinitrc.

12. Type in startx.

13. Hopefully, KDE should start booting! Once it finishes, you should be able to launch Kdenlive through the menu!

(Re: aplen22) No, the Lightning connector clearly sucks.

(This is a response to this Reddit post)
Okay, 8 months too late, but whatever:

Two connector changes over 10 years? Thats 2 too many.

Why, installer, why!?

You know what really annoys me? Installers.

An installer is supposed to be a program which sets up another program. Program needs 2GB RAM? Installer checks that. Program requires GTK? The installer downloads it. I have absolutely no quarrel with installers that actually do something.

What does annoy me, however, is installers that don't do anything. The ones that extract a few files into a folder and maybe make a Start Menu shortcut. Seriously? That's what zip files are for. But okay, maybe you got a serious case of PEBKAC here. Maybe your users are too stupid to extract a zip file. That's okay.

But why, WHY don't you just the zip file up for download?! Why do you insist that I go through your installer which doesn't do anything I wouldn't have done anyway! Why???

But the real culprit is the installers that absolutely refuse to run without Administrator rights, AND which don't do anything except for extract files. Seriously! What is the point? Why do you force me to download Universal Extractor (portable version, of course) and run it on your stupid installer just so I don't have to brute-force the admin password on the computer??? Seriously!!!

... And that's why I always keep a copy of Universal Extractor, 7-Zip, and MsiTools handy.